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The son of a technician asks his father: "Daddy, why the sun rises at the east and goes down at the west?"
The technician answers immediately: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

"And why it is so hot today?" the kid continues to ask.
"If it's bothering you, turn it off and then turn on again".

During the French Revolution a priest, a lawyer and a technician were lined up at the guillotine to be beheaded. They were given the choice to look up or to look facing down in the guillotine.

The priest said, "Well Heaven is up, so I'll look up, so I can see where I'm going." They placed the Priest in the guillotine facing up and released the blade. The blade stopped just inches from the priest, so they let him go, thinking it was a miracle.

The lawyer thought, "Well if it worked for the priest, it might work for me," so they placed him in the guillotine looking up. They released the blade, and it stopped just inches from the lawyer, who claimed he can't be executed twice for the same crime, so they let him go.

The technician thought, "Well why not?" So they put him in the guillotine looking up, and the technician said, "Wait a minute! If you swap the red and the blue wires over, you might make this thing work."

All objects in the world can be placed into one of two categories:

things that need to be fixed,
things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to play with them.

A salesman, and engineer, and a technician are driving in a car when, just outside of town, they get a flat tire. The three of them get out of the car and scratch their heads.

The salesman says, "Maybe I should walk into town and get us a new tire. I know that I can bargain with the man at the parts store and get us a great deal."

The engineer stops him, saying, "No, before you do that, we'll have to do some computations, figuring the grade of the road, the asphalt temperature, and the average rate of speed we will be traveling to know what kind of tire you should buy."

The technician laughs and shakes his head. "No, no, no! What's wrong with you guys? Hell, we have a spare tire in the trunk - now all we have to do is start swapping tires until we find the flat one!"

You Might Be a Technician if...

you have ever tried to repair a $15.00 radio.

you think of the gadgets in your office as "friends."

you think your computer looks better without the cover.

you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as is."

you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.

you think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid.

the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions.

the microphone at a meeting doesn't work and you rush up to fix it.

you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage.

you own a set of itty-bitty screwdrivers and you actually know where they are.

you just don't have the heart to throw away the 100-in-1 electronics kit you got for your ninth birthday.

you have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.

How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change it, and two to complain about how bad GE's customer support is.

How many service technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, and he does it very well, but there is that $85 non-refundable on-site service fee to consider.

A blonde went to the appliance storesale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buythis TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. "Darn,he recognized me," she thought.

She went for a complete disguise this time;haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before sheagain approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry,we don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do youknow I'm a blonde?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied.

The Top 10 Least-Used Kitchen Appliances:

Frigiderriere
1. Doorless Microwave
2. Electric Combination Slicer/Dicer/Dispose-of-the-Body-in-the-River Machine
3. Glock 9mm Drive-By Salad Shooter
4. Cat Compactor
5. Betty Crocker "EZ" Crystal Meth Cooker
6. Baby's First Microwave
7. Ronco Ice Cream Steamer
8. Popeil's Turkey Baster/Home Enema Kit ... and the Number 1 Least-Used Kitchen Appliance:
9. Frozen Squidsickle Maker